On this side of the pond we watch an awful lot of American TV cop shows.
They first appear on our screens in trailers in which they are described as 'hit', 'epic' or 'cult' direct from the States.
Over the years I have seen hundreds of 'em. From 77 Sunset Strip to Perception ... I've seen 'em all.
Which makes me think 'Is America really populated by gang-bangers, rogue cops, mass murders and little old ladies from Cabot Cove?'
Let us concentrate on a true classic!
Murder She Wrote.
Now, by my calculations, after 12 seasons and four Specials, Cabot Cove must be the deadliest place in the United States!
Assuming (and I haven't researched this) that in each episode (over 260) that at least 2.5 people died, that comes to a grand total of 660 deaths.
Let is further assume that one fifth of the dead (132) came from 'outta town', that still leaves 528.
As we all know, many episodes took place elsewhere ... that is to say, NOT in Cabot Cove ... and therefore Cabot Covian's would be probably not have been amongst the dead.
Shall we guess again at one third? OK!
So we can thereby deduce that approximately 176 people from other locations also died during the show's run!
That still leaves us with 352 deadies that could ONLY have been Cabot Coves finest despite the fact that the town's population was supposed to be around 3,560 (Wikipedia, but we all know how wrong they can be, don't we).
OK, OK!
Before you run off to check these figures, let me tell you that 'officially' Murder She Wrote is only said to have killed-off 2 or 3% of it's population.
But I don't believe it!
By my calculations It's nearer 10%
You know what they say, don't you?
Fiction is nearly always based on fact!
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Friday, 23 November 2012
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Duvet's and Female Testicles
It began with "Can you help me change the dog beds?"
Let me explain about the dog beds. We, that is to say Clover, has two. One in the living room and one in the hallway. They are not your run-of-the-mill bog beds. They are in actual fact duvet's folded to over maximum comfort.
What can I say?
I pamper my pup!
Anyway, the request for help meant that the duvet covers were going to be changes and washed.
I put the TV on 'hold' and began the process of peeling the duvet's. I was almost done when I heard "Oh-oh! We'll have to vacuum those covers before the go into the machine otherwise the filter will get full of dog hairs!"
The vacuum miraculously appeared and I found myself standing in the kitchen on one end of a duvet cover with my feet so far apart that I was in serious danger of damaging some of my most important appendages.
At the other end of the duvet cover, in a similarly precarious position but with less to damage, stood my wife.
She valiantly swung the vacuum cleaner back and forth as if there was no tomorrow.
And as there were two duvet covers, we went through this procedure twice.
After the dog hairs were safely inside the vacuum cleaner, the covers were thrown into the washing machine and I was allowed to return to my seat in front of the TV.
Now I can hear you all declaring that it was 'Just another Saturday evening at home'.
And you would be wrong!
Usually we have much less fun!
Which brings me (not very smoothly) to the story I wanted to tell you before the memories of last nights exertions resurfaced ...
A few days ago, I was talking to a little girl and her mother. The girl was telling us about her school day.
"And we learned all about testes today!" she announced.
Her mother looked shocked. Her daughter was only six years old.
"You did what?" she asked.
"The teacher told us that we'll have testes when we are older" said the girl.
I have to admit that it was hard not to snigger as the little girl had such a serious expression in her face and her mother was speechless and her face was turning a deep crimson colour.
"And then," continued the little girl as she started to become excited. "If we have good testes we can get good jobs an' a, an'a lot of money an' a house".
The girls mother visibly relaxed.
"Do you mean you'll have to do test's and exams?" she asked.
"Yep!" said the little girl. "Testes and exam-ies!"
I hate kids, but they are good for a laugh now and again!
Let me explain about the dog beds. We, that is to say Clover, has two. One in the living room and one in the hallway. They are not your run-of-the-mill bog beds. They are in actual fact duvet's folded to over maximum comfort.
What can I say?
I pamper my pup!
Anyway, the request for help meant that the duvet covers were going to be changes and washed.
I put the TV on 'hold' and began the process of peeling the duvet's. I was almost done when I heard "Oh-oh! We'll have to vacuum those covers before the go into the machine otherwise the filter will get full of dog hairs!"
The vacuum miraculously appeared and I found myself standing in the kitchen on one end of a duvet cover with my feet so far apart that I was in serious danger of damaging some of my most important appendages.
At the other end of the duvet cover, in a similarly precarious position but with less to damage, stood my wife.
She valiantly swung the vacuum cleaner back and forth as if there was no tomorrow.
And as there were two duvet covers, we went through this procedure twice.
After the dog hairs were safely inside the vacuum cleaner, the covers were thrown into the washing machine and I was allowed to return to my seat in front of the TV.
Now I can hear you all declaring that it was 'Just another Saturday evening at home'.
And you would be wrong!
Usually we have much less fun!
Which brings me (not very smoothly) to the story I wanted to tell you before the memories of last nights exertions resurfaced ...
A few days ago, I was talking to a little girl and her mother. The girl was telling us about her school day.
"And we learned all about testes today!" she announced.
Her mother looked shocked. Her daughter was only six years old.
"You did what?" she asked.
"The teacher told us that we'll have testes when we are older" said the girl.
I have to admit that it was hard not to snigger as the little girl had such a serious expression in her face and her mother was speechless and her face was turning a deep crimson colour.
"And then," continued the little girl as she started to become excited. "If we have good testes we can get good jobs an' a, an'a lot of money an' a house".
The girls mother visibly relaxed.
"Do you mean you'll have to do test's and exams?" she asked.
"Yep!" said the little girl. "Testes and exam-ies!"
I hate kids, but they are good for a laugh now and again!
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