The Wart

(This article was prompted by Perlchen's wart post and is really only the reply I made to it.)

I used to love my wart!

I really did.

But then one day the top fell off it! My finger hurt like hell (pinky, right hand).

Two days later, my wart began to restore itself to it's former glory by rising and crusting.

But it didn't stop growing! I soon ended up with a wart that not only scared me but, on those rare occasions I dared venture outside with it, appeared on satellite images.

I tried every known wart cure to no avail. Doctors would VISIT ME just to look at it and say "Hmmmmmmm?"

But no one could help and my wart grew and grew.

After a year of having a continent sized growth on my finger I took a very drastic step.

I cooked my finger!

Yes, Perlchen, I turned on the hotplate of the cooker and (after a short prayer and a swift slug of the hard stuff) I pressed my wart onto the hotplate for just a second.

And yes, I did make some un-heroic screechy-type noises and there was a slight moistening of the eyes, but after a mere one week of pain, my wart had been defeated!

To this day, my pinky is wart-less!

I strongly suggest that no one tries this method of wart removal at home unless, of course, you are as brave (insert stupid if you wish) as I am.