Dream Hard!

Last night I dreamt that I was in America; New York, to be precise.

Tom Selleck was  driving the taxi that took me from the airport to my hotel and was telling me about his chequered past.

I used to be the police commissioner ya know! And if ya ever need a private eye, I'm your man!

His yellow cab dropped me off in the middle of the hotel's lobby then drove off though a wall towards the bar.

At the check-in desk Chico Marx said "Itsa dollar a room. Here's da key"

"I only have ten dollars. Do you have change?" I said.

"Itsa no good! I gotta no change. I gotta give you a nine more rooms!"

I took my keys and headed to the lift.

Honk, honk!

"Hello!"

Honk?

"Oh, sorry. 4th floor please."

Honk. Honk, honk, honk?

"No, I won't be staying long. I'm only dreaming."

The other man in the lift said "Fourth floor, eh? You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff."

The lift doors opened and I stepped out.

"What? No laugh? That was one of my best lines" said the man in the lift as the doors closed again.

As I turned to head towards my room I found Bruce Willis standing in front of me. He was wearing a pink bra, a nurses hat and a grass skirt. Slung over his shoulder was a Heckler and Koch MP5.

"You're late" he said handing me a 9mm Baretta semi-automatic pistol. "Take this and shoot the English guy with the German accent!"

"I'm English" I said.

"Oooooooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" he yelled. Grabbing a fire extinguisher he ran to the nearest window and jumped though it.

As he fell I could hear him screaming "The fire hose! I shoulda grabbed the damned fire hose!"

I woke up.

I was under enormous bladder pressure.

A quick look at the clock revealed that it as only just after 4 am.

But it was too cold to get up and go to the loo.

I turned over and pulled the quilt just a little tighter,

"Itsa you! You come a back! Y'know, this a pretty lonely place widdoutchew" said Chico.

"You can say that again" added Groucho.

"Y'know, this a pretty lonely place widdoutchew" Chico repeated.

Honk, honk!