In the Beginning ...

... there was a bloody big bang and then...

"Ah!" I said. "I know this one. Then the universe was formed, right?"

"No, lad. As I was saying, there was the big bang ... but her dad found out and made us get married!" said Ted.

"Oh! You mean ... I thought ... "

"In my experience you young folks don't think" said Ted, as he strolled towards a park bench and sat down.

"Anyway, that was 61 years ago, back in 1952. Been married ever since. 'course it wasn't always easy. The first two years were terrible; fighting, shouting, violence ... oh, it was awful ..." he sighed.

"Yes, but it got better. I mean, you are still together" I said as I sat down beside Ted.

"Oh, God! Yes! It got better after two years, give or take" Ted began to refill his pipe.

"When you and your wife got accustomed to one another?" I suggested.

"No, no! When her dad died! It was him I was always fighting with" He lit his pipe. "He never really liked me"

"But, hey!" I said. "61 years! That's some marriage you have there. Go on ... tell me. What's the secret?"

"There's no secret, lad. It's not a game or some sort of science. All you have to do is find a woman that loves you, and who you love, and you look after each other! That's all."

Ted took another puff on his pipe then tapped it out on the arm rest of the bench.

"Nothing to do with secrets. It's all about love, honesty and loyalty. Young folks don't realise that. If they did, there would be a damned-sight fewer divorces" said Ted.

We said our goodbyes and I watched for a whiled as Ted wandered off towards the park gates, then I went home.

Ok, so I made most of that up, but the bit about there being no secret ... about love and honesty ... they were Ted's exact words.

And they are so very true.

That Ted ... he knows a thing or two and I really enjoy our all to infrequent chats.

The Less Written, the More Said

I began this blog as a means of keeping a record of daily events.

But it never actually worked out that way.

I ended up writing almost anything that came to mind ... mostly memories, observations and stories about dogs.

I used to write every day, or at least every other day, until one day words were spoken...

You and that damned laptop!

Only a few words, but very much like a dagger in the heart.

In the beginning my writing took place in the mornings, usually between 6 and 9 am until my work pattern changed and I began to write after everyone had gone to bed, usually after 11 pm.

Sometime thereafter my work routine changed yet again and I found that time for writing was reduced (usually) to between the hours of 4 and 6 pm.

Then came those words!

To be fair, I did always get so wrapped up in writing that I nearly always over-ran the time I allocated myself and, as the household's one and only cook, the rest of the family were often left close to starvation. Being so wrapped up in writing, I was oblivious to the rumbling of empty stomachs.

Those words ... let me remind you of them - You and that damned laptop! ... had a meaning far greater than just the sum, as it were, of the words.

They said subliminally "You and that blog of yours are a pain in the backside and we never speak any more because you are always writing or reading. It's taking up all your spare time and I'm getting sick of it and I want to spend more time in your company rather than with a zombie-fied typist"

Of course, subliminal as those words were, I imagined them liberally punctuated with some very colourful expletives.

Anyway, once again I must cut a long story short ... in an effort (might I say a supreme effort) to reintegrate myself into the family, I have reduced my literary output to once or twice a week.

I think 'She who must be obeyed' bought it!

I'm definitely back in favour with regards to certain aspects of married life!!!

The Blunt Art Of Pi$$-Taking And A Mild Royal Faux Par

There a knack to what I do.

Not just anyone can do it, so I s'pose talent is involved too.

I do it ev'ry day, or so it would seem, and I pay the price for it.

At the end of the day though, it's all just fun and no harm is intended.

I've prob'ly done it to you all at some point or other ... I can't help myself ... cos I find nearly ev'rything funny in some way.

Like when Prince William was talking about their university days he said:

 "When I first met Kate I knew there was something very special about her. I knew there was possibly something that I wanted to explore there." (quote from the ITV interview transcript).

William & Kate Interview in full (17mins give or take)

I mean, come on!  There's something there ev'ry red blooded male would like to 'explore'.

Her facial expression as he made this remark was one of "Oh William!  Now they'll ALL know we've been at IT!"

So ... if you think I've been taking the pi$$ ... don't worry!  I prob'ly have been, but it's nothing personal.

The Myth of The Multitasking Woman And The Genius of Men

We men are constantly being reminded (by women) that we do not possess the correct attributes (those of mental jugglers or the physically dexterous) to be called Masters of the art of multitasking.

Multitasking IS, and always WILL BE (they claim), something that lies fully in the domain of the female of the species.

And I suppose it must be true because it's the only way they can screw up as many things as possible in short periods of time!


Ahem!


That said ... I must admit that the word 'multitasking' is in itself very misleading ... perhaps we should consider a more realistic description such as jobscarriedoutsequentialbutveryquickly.

I know it doesn't trip off the tongue, but is a more honest description.  


Men are more "Dual-ist" by nature and the following are just a few of our dual tasking achievements:

• reading the paper whilst dumping
• drinking beer whilst watching football/TV
• farting whilst eating

They may not, in themselves, appear to be in the same league as some of the activities of you girlie's but there is a reason for it ....

.... if we were to show ourselves as being willing and capable of indulging in multitasking activities, where would our duties end?

Women would stop being mothers and housewives if they knew we were really just as good, if not better, than they were.

Men would be slaves in their own homes.

Sex, and the withdrawal thereof, would be the slave drivers whip!

No!

It is far better and smarter for us to let you ladies think you are better than we are.

Sorry?

I'm not getting what?

Oh, you've got to be kidding me ......

....Julie?

Ju.......

Bugger! 

Royal Willy To Be Tied In Knots

Yes!

There is going to be a Royal Wedding!

The long awaited, but expected, announcement of William and Kate's engagement was made this morning at around 11am by The Prince of Wales (William's daddy).

Congratulation are in order I think

so ...

Congratulations!

(I wonder if they'll invite me?)