Para-Olympediment

"It'th not fair!"

"What's not fair?"

"They won't let me take part in the Para-Olympicth"

"Weally? I had no idea that you some physical pwoblems"

"Jutht becauth I'm not phythically impaired dothn't mean I don't have a dithability"

Oh, wight! And your disability is ... ?"

"Etheth"

"What?"

"Etheth! I can't thay my etheth"

"Not being able to say your esses isn't weally a catagowy which would make you eligible for any Pawa-Olympic event, is it?"

"Tho you thay, but you aren't the one with that thpeach impediment"

"Weally? Have you ever twied getting thwough live without most of your R's?. Anyway, to allow you to twain and partake in the games would be an insult to all evewy dedicated Pawa-Olympian. They overcame some sewious adversity ... pwoblems you can't even compwehend ... so that they can attend the games"

"Well, when you put it like that ..."

"I do! Er, just out of intwest, what events did you have in mind"

"Sprintth, thwimming, thycling ... "

"Wait a moment. Cycling begins with a C"

"Hmmmm! Theems my dithablity ith getting worth. They've gotta conthider me for team GB now"

"Good gwief!"


*** I have the greatest respect for all Para-Olympians. I applaud their drive, determination and strength of character in overcoming their disabilities. They are true sportsmen and women!

Apple Strike Again

Just a bite? Nah! I Was The Damned Buffet

Over the past God-knows-how-many years, I have rarely, if ever, been the object of a mosquito's passion for blood.

Now, I realise that blood is a necessary ingredient for the mosquito's reproductive recipe and I do realise that they need to feed but, God Damn It!!!

Twenty Two F&*king times?

I mean, really ... was it abso-bloody-lutely necessary to puncture me TWENTY TWO F&*KING TIMES?

My chest, stomach and back look like I've been romping (if you get my drift) with a porcupine! 

But that's not all ... no ... one of the b@st@rds bit me in the belly button (that's The navel (clinically known as the umbilicus) to you educated folks out there).

Did it end there?

No, no, no, no!

This morning I awoke to find that one of the more adventurous of the little buggers had decided that the 'buffet' was insufficient and went to the banquet instead.

Yes, one of 'em bit me on the ....

Well, let me put it this way ... it was probably the BIGGEST meal that mosquito was ever gonna get!