Homer & Marge (Part Three)

Part Three of Homer & Marge which appeared as a guest post on The Mad Lady's blog yesterday. 


The door slammed!

"D'ya speak to your bitch of a boss like you said ya said ya would, Homer?" yelled Marge even before the window panes had stopped vibrating.

Homer's feet flew from the coffee table as he pressed the stop button on the video remote. He remembered briefly the times when Marge would come home and strip in the hallway before entering the living room with a rose between her teeth.

"I did!" he replied. "This morning!".

"Did you assert yourself, like I tol' ya?" asked Marge as she entered the living room.

Homer crushed the empty can of Bud and hid it quickly in his pocket. "I went in there just like you said.  All guns blazing."  he blurted.

"Tell me!" demanded Marge.

"Well, I started by telling the ol' Thighbiter that you were pregnant and I asked for that promotion that's going in Planning.

She said it had already been filled. Marty Slackballs got it. So I said 'What about a raise? I've been here ten years. I deserve it!' and I slammed my fist on her desk, just like you said I should to show her that I was serious and then I said 'God dammit!  I wanna go up in the world!  I wanna be upwardly mobile!  I wanna reach the top and I can't do that by sitting in the Internal Development Department shufflin' paper!  I NEED THAT RAISE OR A PROMOTION!!!'

Stunned by the fact that Homer had actually done what she'd suggested, Marge asked "What did she say to that?".

"Well" said Homer.  "She slammed her fist down as well and said 'Dammit Homer!  I like a man with vim and vigour; some fighting spirit! If it was only down to me I'd give you a raise EVERY day!  Leave it with me and I'll get things moving.'

"Wow!" said Marge. "What happens now?"

Homer shrugged. "I have to call Maisie in Personnel later today and find out how it went".

Marge went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Well done Homer!  Have a Bud!" she said.

Homer grinned at Marge and winked "I'd rather have a ...".

Marge cut him off. "After you call Maisie! Now zip your pants up like a good little boy"

.... Later that day on the phone ...

"Hi Maisie, it's Homer.  Please don't say ... "

"...doh! Dammit Masie!  You said it!"

"OK don't apologise. I'll survive.  Maisie? I'm calling because ol' Thighbiter ... I mean Mrs Legchewovsky ... was gonna sort out my raise. D'ya have any news for me?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Thanks Maisie. Gotta go!  Take care."

"Well?" Marge enquired. "How much?"

"You promised me some wild and wicked rompin' if I got a raise. I bought some cream, a new tube of EZ-glide and some new batteries.  Can we, er, do it now? Huh? Huh?"

"Stop your whining and tell me what she said first" said Marge playfully slapping his face.

Homer's face dropped and and he mumbled "uny ev'n".

"What?"

"uny ev'n".

Marge landed a round-house slap up-side Homer's ear.

"OW! 27! 27!" shrieked Homer, trying to soothe his pain by rubbing vigourously .

"27? What?  A day? A week? What?"

"Floors!"  said Homer.

"Huh?"

"Floors!  Thighbiter's letting me go up in the world alright. And I get a 'raise' every day too!"

"Promotion?"

"Nope! She's having my office moved from the 4th to the 31st floor so she doesn't have to see my face any more".

"Damn!"

"Any chance of that .........."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"..... romp?"

Marge stormed up the stairs, stomped into the bedroom and slammed yet another door.

After five minutes the bedroom door opened  just a little.

"Homer!" screamed Marge. "Throw me up those damned batteries!"