Weight Gain

So I went to the doctor last week.

I was concerned about my alarming gain in weight.

Sh was also concerned, but to my mind not as concerned as she ought to be.

"We'll run a few tests and have an answer to your problem in no time" she said.  "We'll take some blood but, in the mean time, you can give me a pee sample in this bottle. But take it mid-steam, ok?"

"But the nearest stream is miles away" I said. "And it's cold!"

She gave me a slap!

A week later she called me back for the test results.

"Not good news, I'm afraid" she said after I'd sat down.

My mind raced through a list of all the deadly conditions and ailments that could mean my end.

A solemn expression came over her face.

"I'm afraid you have an over active ..."

"Thyroid?"

"... knife and fork!"

She muttered something about time wasting, handed me a diet sheet and sent me on my way!

She just doesn't understand 'man' troubles!