Tom was sitting on a bench in the park.
"Morning ...."
"...Tom".
"Yerrrs. Morning".
He held a plastic bag on his lap. It had a slightly fishy smell to it.
"What's up Tom?" I said, trying to make conversation.
"It's my wedding anniversary today" he replied.
"Congratulations!" I said as I shoved my hand towards him. "How many years"?
"Too bloody many" he said as he limply shook my hand. "Forty-five! Forty-five bloody years! I would have gotten less if I'd committed murder".
I could see he wasn't a happy man.
"She said I had to make her a meal, like the one we had on our wedding night. She made me buy these".
He showed me the contents of the bag.
"Oysters? You like oysters?"
"Doesn't matter if I like 'em or not. They're a wassname ... a thingymabob ... you know?" he stammered.
"Sorry? They're a what?"
"An aphrodisiac!" he said.
"I thought an afrodisiac was a hairstyle" I said with a grin.
"Stop trying to cheer me up. It won't work".
"Why are you so miserable?" I asked, now slightly concerned.
"Because these things are expensive. On my wedding day, at the wedding banquet, she made me eat fifteen ... FIFTEEN!!! ... of the slimy little buggers".
"Yuk!"
"That night, in our room, she was so disappointed".
"Oh! Why?"
"Because only one of the bloody things only worked!!!"
Gotta be as old, if not older, than I am!
ReplyDeleteAnd that's OLD!
Sex or no, I've never even tried an oyster, Minnesota being landlocked and all!
ReplyDeletePearl
They're a bit like what you get when you sniff real hard and swallow!
DeleteYou ain't missed much.
She must have been a hard woman to please!
ReplyDeleteI don't think she's ever been pleased about anything.
DeleteMaybe Tom should have bought some Viagra, that certainly would have put some lead in his pencil and then some :-).
ReplyDeleteMaybe he should take a vacation at Viagra Falls, hmmm?
Delete