Fair Play

Playing dead

Fart?

Ribbed

OK, so it's been a while.

I lost interest, if truth be told. The motivation ... or sporadic genius if you prefer ... up'd and left.

I put my energy, such as it is, into work and home, although after work there was precious little left for home.

I'm writing now as a form of therapy and in an attempt to cast off the blanket of apathy which has smothered me for far too long.

And to tell you about my pain!

Oh, the pain!

I worked through the pain for a whole week before tearfully dragging myself to a doctor ... and after my wife threatened to cut my todger off if I didn't.

It began with a plastic dog bed.

As I carried it to my car (to take to the local dog charity) there was popping sensation in my ribs on the left side.

I'm pretty dammed sure I heard it pop too!

Needless to say that the dog bed landed on the ground, closely followed by a groaning and rapidly crumpling yours truly.

The pain, although short lived, was tremendous! It quite literally took my breath away.

Anyway, it went away and I was left with only an ache under and around my ribs.

However, as the week progressed the pain increased and I soon found myself unable to walk, sit, stand, drive, laugh, cough or fart without discomfort.

Stupidly I soldiered on, going from call to call grunting and groaning my way through each one, much to the concern of my clients ... except for one chap who thought it was hilarious that someone was in more pain than he was.

So, threatened by my wife, I took myself off to the doctor.

It seems that my floating rib on the left side has decided to change places with the rib above it. For some reason they crossed causing some tissue and muscle damage.

Hence the pain.

I've been off work and on heavy duty painkillers for three days now and I'm so [insert expletive] bored!

The pain is still severe and my floating rib is continuing it's 'day trips' up my rib cage, so you can imagine just how comfortable I am right now.

I will willingly accept even the merest scraps of sympathy from anyone reading this ... any young ladies wishing to pop around and give me their sympathy in person shouldn't hesitate to do so. In my condition, they can be absolutely sure of their safety.

Mores the pity!