Another Christmas

It's that time of year and we've spent our hard earned cash,

on cards and presents and a good Christmas bash.

We'll all get presents that will force us to smile,

and the gift that you wanted will be missed by mile.

There'll be books, chocolate, underwear and socks,

just the usual gifts but no great shocks.

Then food galore will be dumped on the table,

and we'll gorge ourselves till we're no longer able.

There will be burps and farts and occasional snore,

until all we ate settles then we go back for more.

We'll sit around the TV and watch the Queen's speech,

and get the usual guest that hangs on like a leech.

When the evening comes there's more food to eat,

at least for those that can still find their feet.

For the sherry has flowed and beer has been drunked*,

for the oldies some tea in which biscuits are dunked.

We'll all sing some hits of a bygone era,

and remember those absent, like my cousin Vera.

Then off the guests go to their own little homes,

waddling merrily like drunken garden gnomes.

The washing up and the mess that they made,

unwashed and untouched in the dining room stayed.

Then it's off to bed feeling ever so stuffed,

my amorous advances ignored and rebuffed!


* artistic license 

Make The Most Of This One! I'll Be Off Soon.

It's raining!

Less than a month ago I was in 'gloat mode'.

I delighted in making fun of all those lesser mortals who were less blessed by the weather that I was and took immense pleasure from informing them, in detail (and with pictures), of the kind of weather I was romping in.

Now it's raining!

Or, perhaps I should say, it's still raining.

And it's getting cold again.

It really puts a dampener (excuse the pun) on getting to work on some serious blogging ... not that I would ever disappoint my faithful readers by getting 'serious' (please understand, it's not that kind of relationship! I know you all love me, but ...).

It has to be said that the bad weather does, in fact, bring me down.

Not that far down that I couldn't take pleasure at the sight of someone trying to walk through an unseen glass door, but still pretty far 'down'.  

And with my up-coming work schedule ... well, all I can say is "What a bummer"!

Therefore, as my brain is barely managing to tick over in neutral, I thought I would steal something from elsewhere.  I couldn't find anything that really tickled my fancy, or would even be worthy of attempting to tickle yours so, in a last desperate effort to please, I find myself having to resort to old joke.

Enjoy!

Camilla & Charles

Camilla had bought a new pair for the day of her wedding. They tightened as the day went on. That night, after the Royal Knees-up was over, she and Charles nipped off to their room. Camilla threw herself onto the bed and said 'Could one please remove one's shoes darling! One's feet are killing one'.

Charles obliged but the shoe wouldn't budge.

'Harder!' yelled Camilla.

'Harder?' Charles screamed back. 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so damned tight!'

'Come on!' she cried. 'Give it all you've got' 

Finally when it eventually came off and Charles let out a big moan.  Camilla cried, 'Oh God, that feels so good!'

In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Philip and said, 'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that'.

Back in the other bedroom, Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out, 'Oh God, darling, this one's even tighter'.

At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen: 'That's my boy; once a navy man, always a navy man!'