Empty Pockets And Stomach Rumbles

Today I accompanied my client to the fair.

Not a big, fancy fair with fun rides and candy-floss and stuff.

No. It was a charity fair with a coconut shy, hoopla, BBQ, a tombola and plants and stuff for sale.

I thought 'Whoo-hoo! Time to let the good times roll!'.  I thought that a mere 8.5 seconds before I realised that I had no money with me.

I was, in a word, broke.

I'd forgotten to go to an ATM before collecting my client this morning and I only had 26 pence to my name.

There were sausages, burgers, crepes, and a large variety of tooth-rotting candy just waiting to be devoured ... and I was broke!

OK, so technically I wasn't (an am not) flat broke.  I have money.  It just wan't in my pocket when all the those aroma's found their way through the forest that is my moustache and into my nose.

Normally ... that is to say when I have money in my pockets ... I can go the whole day (6.30am to 17.30pm) without eating and I'm never plagued with hunger pangs, intestinal rumbles of desperation or those "boi-oi-oing" noises that emanate from the mid-section.

I survive on the occasional tic-tac or stick of chewing gum without any problems.

Today?

Well, today the thought of my empty pockets drove me nuts and wherever I went I was accompanied by a full intestinal orchestral, which my client found hilarious.

From the moment that first burger started to burn on the grill to the moment I had to take my client home, my stomach played, much to the amusement of anyone nearby, wonderful music, which was referred to by one lady in the crowd as "The Feedmenow Overture in C,D and F".

After dropping my client (who had money and was lucky that I didn't mug him for it) safely back home, I made a mad dash to the nearest ATM with every intention of going to any old greasy-spoon cafe for a huge plate of burger & chips.

But, as things turned out, my aroma induced ravenous hunger had disappeared by the timewe pulled into his driveway.

Lucky me!

I'm home now and I've just enjoyed a coffee with a biscuit so for the moment, I am satisfied.

It's 16.20pm and soon I'll be cooking the evening meal.

I was thinking of burgers, but I don't think anyone else will appreciate them as much as I will.

Perhaps if I throw in a salad?

4th Of July

Happy 4th of July to all our American cousins!

Not such a happy day for us Brits, as I'm sure you will appreciate,

but,

what the hell!

We came second after all!

That Email: My Views

By now everyone should have heard about the woman who told her future daughter-in-law just what she thought of her manners.


Call me old fashioned if you will, but on some of her points, I totally agree.


It is a sad state of affairs when the young of today expect us oldies to accept their crappy behaviour and think that everything they do is normal and acceptable.


Here are some extracts from that email:

"When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something."

I agree!  You should be polite enough accept what you are given.  If you don't like it, don't eat it and make a polite apology. 

"You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else."

Yep!  I agree with this one too. Someone doing this in my house would soon be shown the door.

"You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host."

This one is a bit silly.  If it's on the table, take it and eat it.  It wouldn't hurt though to ask first of share what is left with others at the table.

"When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early. You fall in line with house norms."

This is one that would make my blood boil.  I agree that if you are a guest in someone's home, you should adapt to the ways of the house.   

"You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public."

Ah, well ... I don't know what the insults actually were.  Maybe they were justified ... who knows?

"You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour."

This one is just smacks of jealousy ... of someone who didn't like being the central focus point. As for the "castle" bit ... that bit is just nonsense.  If you can afford a wedding in a castle and tink you really need and want it ... why not?

"If your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes."

This one is a valid point.  Why start married life with money worries?  You cannot expect someone else to carry the costs of your extravagances!

"One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie."

This one sounds as if Freddie has been placed on a pedestal by this woman and that no girl will ever be considered good enough for him.  I think she see's poor old Heidi as a money grabber who is out to get the easiest life possible for herself.


There you have it.  My old fashioned views on some of the main points of that email.  I'm sure many of you will disagree with me,  but what the hell!  


I have my standards ... you have yours.