Old Tom Too

I bumped into Old Tom again today.

"Morning George" he said.

"Morning ..."

"... Tom" he interrupted. He always interrupts!

I sighed.

"Have you and, er, your dog ..." he nodded towards Sym, "... been to the park then"?

"Good grief! That's amazing" I said. "How on earth did you know"?

"Deductive reasoning" said Tom. "Eat your heart our Sherlock Holmes. Let me see ... you've got the dog with you, you've got wellingtons on your feet, a ball in your hand and you're both covered in mud. QED".

"And the fact that that we are, in actual fact, still in the park"?

"Oh that! That was a dead give away, that was".

I mentally shook my head and wished, not for the first time, that I was elsewhere and that some other poor soul was enduring this encounter with Tom. Anyone, just not me.

"Anyway" continued Tom. "I was watching you throw the ball. Your Sym runs a little bit effeminately if you ask me".

I was stunned. "He's a dog! How can a dog run effeminately"?

"His hips. They sway".

"They do not sway! He's all dog. There is nothing girlie about my dog"!

"Is too!

"Shut up Tom" I said as I bent forward to cover Sym's ears. "He may not have any nuts but my boy is as Dog as Dog gets".

"Isn't".

"Is too!"

"Isn't!"

"Look Tom, he's male through and through. He even humps legs and regularly bonks his bedding".

"He probl'ly does that just to fool you" countered Tom.

"He's straight and that's final! I know you, Tom. You're just determined to have the last word. Well it ain't gonna work this time. He's straight; not at all girlie. Got it"?

There was a short, uncomfortable silence.

"He's gay"!

"Tom"!!!

"Sorry ..." said Tom. "... but he is"!

"Right ....."

We were separated some ten minutes later by a couple of passing police officers.

I Would Like To Be ...

... Jack O'Neil.

Only smarter!

I know, I know!

He's just a character from the Stargate TV series, but dumbness aside, he's pretty cool.

As a child I think John Wayne was my hero and the person I most wanted to be like.  I used to play at being a cowboy, riding in (without a horse) and saving the damsel, and the day, from marauding Indians (apologies to my native american readers).

I never really appreciated what a real hero was until 9/11.

My hat was off to them then and it is still off now.

I want to be a policeman or a fireman when I grow up.

No Refund! No Return!

Charlie was driving home late one afternoon - he was driving well over the speed limit. 


When he looked in his rear view mirror he noticed a police car with its lights and sirens blaring. 
He thinks, "I can get away! My car's fast enough!", so he puts his foot down. 

The cars are racing down the motorway - 80, 90, 100 miles an hour. 


Finally, as his speedometer passes 110 mph, Charlie realizes that he can't outrun the police car so he gives up and pulls over onto the hard shoulder. The policeman follows and parks behind him. He gets out, leans down to Charlie's window and says "Listen mate, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home, all right? Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." 

Charlie thought hard then said "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a policeman ...".


"Not good enough" the policeman started to say.


"...  and when I saw you chasing me, I thought you were him and you were trying to give her back!"

Quick Word: The Student Pain

The recent violent demonstrations have left me cold to the students of this country and their plight.

And, when all is said and done, very few of them will ever pay back their student loans anyway.

Those students convicted of any sort of violence or destruction of property should be immediately excluded from whichever university they attend.  Lock 'em up and throw away the key.

And the press doesn't help!  The way they report it, the police are to blame for EVERYTHING! Either they didn't do enough, they did too much or they were the instigators of the violence.  They can't win whatever they do, but some of them still end up in hospital!

The sad thing is that some of these ba$tards are going to end up running this country or it's industries!

(My views are a little extreme perhaps, but I'm sick to death of all  their whining and whinging)