I suffered You know!

So I've been ill!

Well ...

Not so much ill as infected!

I came down with a skin infection.

It was a mite that I picked up from the dog!

It was eczema!

It was psoriasis!

The doctors ... yes, I saw three different ones ... couldn't be sure as they all said the same thing:

                                             "WHOA! I ain't never seen anyone so scaly!"

Test? No, they didn't offer any tests! We are talking the NHS here. A "test" would be a last resort ... you know ... like when it looked like I might be about to croak!

But they gave me liquids that burned the skin, creams that greased me up an ointment that stunk of urine (I didn't dare ask what it was made of) but at last, it began to recede. The itch was gone and the scaly flakes disappeared. I am no longer a leper!

But I also had an ear infection that closed the ear canal and made me totally deaf in my right ear and partially deaf in the left.  More cream and some drops!

All of this gunk was to administered at nights to let it work as I slept.

You should have seen the state f my pillow and duvet!!!

My wife is seriously considering billing the NHS for laundry!

Anyhow, the good news is that my ears, after some pain and a bit of 'popping', are now back to nearly normal too.

I have been through the wars, ladies and gentlemen, so any and all sympathy will be gratefully accepted.

Thank you!