My Biggest Asset & Biggest Hate

Driving through Cardiff today could best be described as a rather slow and painful bowel movement.

At one of those annoying little snag-points ... old people just can't  find the accelerator when the light turns green ... I got to thinking ... what do I hate most?

Is it all those face-painting babe's that always ... ALWAYS ... do their make-up at traffic lights?  NO!

Is it old age pensioners that drive as though every day was a Sunday and the church doesn't open for another hour or two?  NO!

Is it the fact that my company expects me to be in two places at once that are 20 miles apart? NO!

Is it ... oh, bollocks to the list ... what I hate most ... don't laugh ... is my stomach!

Yes, it's grown to proportions that have put Green Peace on alert (in case I need to be dragged back into the see) and has almost taken on a personality of it's own.  I saw it wobble ... several times!

Normally my appearance is of little importance to me as I've always just assumed that I look good and that was always enough for me.

Last week however, I viewed a photograph of myself at a local fair and ... the very thought of that photograph makes me cringe ... it looked like I was at least 7 months pregnant.

I thought I told you folks not to laugh!!!

My exercise days are long behind me and the time when I could run 15 miles with full kit and a rifle are in my very distant past.

As there is no way that I'm going to start pounding the streets or hop on a treadmill again, I find myself left with only one option ... a diet.

I think 5 to 8 kilos would be nice ...

... 2 to 3 more realistic.

Let me just finish this bar ... very large bar ... of chocolate and then I'll start ... just after a slice or two of chocolate cake.

Does This Cat Belong To You Pearl?

More Money To be Made Or Blobby Cash Cows

Have you ever asked yourself why there are no ads for Zumba showing fat folks trying to get fit?

I have!

It's because if you ain't fit already, with a honed and (if the ads are to be believed) very shapely figure, you ain't gonna be able to do Zumba.

These 'before and after' shots of people are just a little bit unbelievable in my opinion.

I watched a TV programme sometime ago in which a graphics expert showed just how to make 'before and after' pictures.  It quite literally only took him 5 minutes and  ...  hey presto! ... there was a picture of the presenter (an ex-sportsman) looking like he was carrying an extra 50 lbs.

My point ... well, my point is ... Ads lie!  Or at the very least they stretch the truth to breaking point.

There are a lot of people paying good money thinking that Zumba will transform their pie-eating-sack-of-blubber bodies into something resembling the body of a sporting God or Goddess.

OK, lets go back a step to the 'before and after' pictures.  They are, no doubt, backed up by statements such as " Hell, yeah! Zumba changed my life!" or "Incredible! I used to weigh 300 lbs.  Zumba really did for me!"

But those folks are being paid, aren't they ... and why are there no pictures or film of them as lard-buckets actually working out?

I admit that I do not have the focus, dedication or mental attitude (not at my age) to be able to push myself through a rigorous training program.  Also my coordination is pretty poor and is seriously challenged just trying to swing a golf club.

But I not driven by any great need to please the eye of anyone other than myself.  I have no burning desire to be any shape other than the one I have.  I do just enough so that I am happy ... and so my wife doesn't complain.

Zumba (which, lets face it, is aerobics with newer dance steps) is being snapped up by chunkies who think that this time ... maybe ... they will lose those pounds.

It is aimed at those weak of will, strong in hope and little or no self esteem.

It will help the fit stay fit but it won't change many blobs into lean, mean, fighting machines.