Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

I leapt into my cool 'lets get down to blogging' slippers, flung myself onto the sofa ... narrowly avoiding a rather bemused pussy cat ... and flipped open the lid of my laptop, or Lappy, as I like to call her.

She obligingly Window-chimed into life and I directed my mouse cursor towards the Chrome icon and clicked.

Chrome opened.

I clicked open, or at least I attempted to click open, my blog!

'Wey  man, lass!' I said in my best Geordie accent. 'Wots aal this hinney?'

I was confronted with a window that declared in rather large letters that my Sky internet connection was unavailable ... AGAIN!

I was advised to try again in a few minutes.

That was at 8pm!

It'snow 11.30pm!

Could it be that Sky operates in a different reality that ticks along at a rather slower pace than mine?

Nope!  I think they are just pissing me about!

I am seriously going to have to find another provider, as Sky is really getting to be a pain!

Anyhow,  it's bed time for  this old man, so please don't go away!

I WILL sort this out!

I'm A Luckless Motorist!

I hate my car.

I really, really hate my car!

Every time I get a little bit of money scraped together my car can be heard (by anyone that speaks fluent Car that is) screaming "Gimme dat cash!"

And it's happened again!

It's due a servicing ... fair enough!

All cars need to be kept in trim for the rigours of the highway.

But after booking a servicing slot the following happened;

1. The cigarette lighter (to power may satnav, charge my phone) gave up the ghost.
2. It began to miss-fire
3. An oil slick appeared on the driveway where my car stood 
4. My indicators (the indicator arm, not the lights) has decided not to work
5. The ignition sporadically decides not to play
6. The door seal on the rear passenger door has disintegrated

Now tell me ... is that fair?

There I was, expecting to have a bill for, oooooo, maybe £170 and then all that stuff goes wrong.

I am beginning to think that the world in general is out to get me!

Ok. Moving on.

I received an email of complaint from one of yesterday's late arrivals.

She seemed a little bit upset at missing the first part of the joke.

So, for all of those that couldn't be bothered to turn up on time for this, here's the first part of the joke again.

      There are two nuns in a bath.
    One said "Where's the soap?"

There you go.

Yes, I know it's an old one, but I am getting on a bit you know!