Last night I dreamt that I was in America; New York, to be precise.
Tom Selleck was driving the taxi that took me from the airport to my hotel and was telling me about his chequered past.
I used to be the police commissioner ya know! And if ya ever need a private eye, I'm your man!
His yellow cab dropped me off in the middle of the hotel's lobby then drove off though a wall towards the bar.
At the check-in desk Chico Marx said "Itsa dollar a room. Here's da key"
"I only have ten dollars. Do you have change?" I said.
"Itsa no good! I gotta no change. I gotta give you a nine more rooms!"
I took my keys and headed to the lift.
"Oh, sorry. 4th floor please."
Honk. Honk, honk, honk?
"No, I won't be staying long. I'm only dreaming."
The other man in the lift said "Fourth floor, eh? You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff."
The lift doors opened and I stepped out.
"What? No laugh? That was one of my best lines" said the man in the lift as the doors closed again.
As I turned to head towards my room I found Bruce Willis standing in front of me. He was wearing a pink bra, a nurses hat and a grass skirt. Slung over his shoulder was a Heckler and Koch MP5.
"You're late" he said handing me a 9mm Baretta semi-automatic pistol. "Take this and shoot the English guy with the German accent!"
"I'm English" I said.
"Oooooooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" he yelled. Grabbing a fire extinguisher he ran to the nearest window and jumped though it.
As he fell I could hear him screaming "The fire hose! I shoulda grabbed the damned fire hose!"
I woke up.
I was under enormous bladder pressure.
A quick look at the clock revealed that it as only just after 4 am.
But it was too cold to get up and go to the loo.
I turned over and pulled the quilt just a little tighter,
"Itsa you! You come a back! Y'know, this a pretty lonely place widdoutchew" said Chico.
"You can say that again" added Groucho.
"Y'know, this a pretty lonely place widdoutchew" Chico repeated.
About This Blog
This blog was originally started as a thread on the forum pages of an animal rescue site. Now it's here!
The articles you find in here are purely for entertainment (yours and mine) and (with one or two exceptions) are all tongue-in-cheek chronicles of the World (my bit, anyway) as I see it.
No disrespect is intended towards anyone unless I make a mistake and make it too obvious.
I hope you enjoy my offerings. Feedback and comments of any kind are welcome.
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