BLUCK!

Well hello there!

Welcome to the New Year!

Pull up a weekend and make yourself comfortable.

Take the weight off and let's gnaw over the bones of the year that was.

Was it all that you expected?  Nah, mine neither. I seem to recall rather too many things going wrong, costing money or just generally pissing me off  as opposed to anything happening that could, even in a half-hearted way, be described as being good.

No, no ... that's not strictly true, if I think on it. Some really good things did happen but, hey, this isn't an X-rated blog, so I can't tell you!

But on the whole ... it wasn't a good year.

My car ... the one that was always just a tyre tread away from disaster ... died! I was forced to run around like a headless chicken trying to find an affordable replacement within a week, or face losing a lot of money.

No car, no work!

January 12 started off with my garden fence panels (6' X 6') being blown to smithereens by gale force winds. £400-£500 repair costs.

March saw my soon to be deceased vehicle's suspension popping it's mount (£300, but could have been worse).

April ...

Oh God this is so depressing!

Gnaw over you own year. Mine is making me feel ill!

Oh, and this year hasn't started too well either.

I forgot to put my numbers on for the midweek lotto yesterday!

Guess who would have had 4 correct numbers and BOTH bonus numbers?

OK, so it wasn't the jackpot but would have been a nice little sum.

Lady Luck really hates me.

But never mind, eh!

I still have my blog-frie...

Hey?

Where'd everybody go?

(BLUCK = Bad Luck)

'm 'ld You Deaf Ba$ta%d!

Every married man has been through this at some stage.

It happens every winter in millions of homes across the world and is, or could be, the reason for many a divorce.

It is a short exchange that takes place in the bedroom on a winters night after the lights go out it goes something like this:

Wife:          'm 'ld!

Husband:   What?

Wife:          'm 'ld!

 Husband:   What? What'd you say?

 Wife:         'm 'old!

 Husband:   You're old?

 Wife:         I'M COLD! You deaf bastard! Need a c'dle!

 Husband:   You need a what?

 Wife:         FOR F&%KS SAKE! I need a cuddle!

At this point a dutiful husband will sacrifice his own warmth and slide across the bed. He will endeavour to wrap himself around his wife and valiantly attempt to emulate the effects of an electric blanket, knowing full well that very soon his efforts will be rejected thus:


Wife:          'm 't!

Husband:   What?

Wife:          'm 't!

 Husband:   What the hell are you on about?

 Wife:         'm 'ot!

 Husband:   You're not what?

 Wife:         I'M HOT! Are you deliberately trying to wind me up? 'sh 'ff!

 Husband:   What?

 Wife:         PUSH OFF! Leave me alone! You grumpy git!


It takes a strong minded man to brush this off, roll over and go to sleep!

I know!

I do this almost every night!

They Lied!

I have been assured, by people who purport to know these things, that bad things come in threes

They Lie!

The scum bags!

Bad thing's come in ones!

One after the other ... forever!

And ever!

I seem to have a target, as it were, on my back where bad luck is concerned.

As those of you who have been with me for some time may remember, I have always had car troubles.  Just when one problem was been dealt with, another one reared it's ugly, oil smeared head. You may also recall that I wrote about damage to house and property caused by high winds. And of course there was also the recent case of my dog Sym's lymphoma.

Well, there is still no silver lining to my black cloud of bad luck; no ray of sunshine seeking to warm the cockles of my heart (whatever that means).

You may already be wondering 'What's happened now?'.  I can hear the creaking of many (how many readers do I have?) swivel chairs as clearer screen views are sought.

Here's the latest!

My tyres need replacing ... far earlier than anticipated and without achieving the mileage they should have done.

Over night (Saturday to Sunday) there were once again gale force winds battering our house and garden (it may well have battered the homes and gardens of others. I didn't notice) and quite severe damage was caused to our fence (a rather large piece of which narrowly missed our kitchen window).

And, of course, there is Sym! His recent course of treatment resulted in only partial remission.

Now ... that's only three, I hear you say. And you would be right ... I can count.

But there's also ...

Sox (older dog) ... Ill
The lawnmower ... fuel leak!
The strimmer ... busted!
The hedge trimmer ... locked solid!
The DVD-recorder ... dead as a dodo!
The wife's PC ...well, OK! I killed that one.

And it goes on and on and on and on and on and ....

Need I say more?

Yes! They lied! They really did!