Yeah, well ... I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting. I know how much you all hang on my every word and dream of reading another smidgeon of the literary torture that I put you through.
The reason I was late?
I couldn't be bothered!
I'm not talking about the run of the mill couldn't be bothered that we all go through once in a while. No, this time I mean a "Why am I here? What's it all about?" kind of couldn't be bothered.
For a while there I thought a shrink (I can't spell psychiatrist) would have to make a house call.
Actually it wasn't that bad, but I did have a minor crisis which would have caused me to acquire a few more grey hairs ... had I still had some, but it was all pretty silly really.
I was sitting here ... right here, just like now ... and I thought 'Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!'
You see, I'd been planning a really witty post ... one of those filled with a host of double meanings and literary sharp sticks that poke fun at people ... when suddenly I realised that I'd lost my notes! Yes! For this post I had notes ... and I'd lost them.
I went through the 'Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!' phase several times as I tried to recall what I'd wanted to write. I ate two packets of chocolate chip cookies in pure, unadulterated frustration, washed down by numerous cups of coffee. All to no avail!
I was at the end of my tether and, after questioning my mental faculties and indeed my very existence, I found myself wallowing in pit self pity and frustration. I was teetering on the very edge of sanity with little hope of salvation!
You don't believe me?
You don't, do you!
OK! You're right! I was telling a porky (pork pie = lie).
I was enjoying some time off work and had some friends from Germany staying with me and was, in general, just too busy to get my backside behind the keyboard.
But that wouldn't really be as interesting, would it!
Sorry to have disappointed you.