About This Blog

This blog was originally started as a thread on the forum pages of an animal rescue site. Now it's here!

The articles you find in here are purely for entertainment (yours and mine) and (with one or two exceptions) are all tongue-in-cheek chronicles of the World (my bit, anyway) as I see it.
No disrespect is intended towards anyone unless I make a mistake and make it too obvious.

I hope you enjoy my offerings. Feedback and comments of any kind are welcome.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Shape of Things to Come

It's official!


Not only did I manage to find a clients dentures this morning (in a shoe in a closet...don't ask!) but I also gained a new 'follower'.

Welcome to my world Madsbloggingmom (Yep! I know who you are!).

Normally I would take newbies by the hand and lead them through the lanes and backwaters of my mind, ensuring their safety and helping myself to the contents of their wallets, but today is the penultimate day of work before I embark on a two week 'stay at home' holiday and I'm on a 'chill'-break.  But you know your way around so feel free to have a good look-see.

If there is nothing worth stealing, call the police!  I must have been burgled.

Anyway, I shall proceed with today's 'intelli-dom'* and continue my ... what shall I call it? Investigation? Well, it'll do for now ... into the miracle that is life.

This time I would just like to skim through some of the highlights of parenthood that some of you have you already gone through and others still have to face.

Your child will start his/her life in the hands of an opportunist child beater who will delight in walloping them on the arse/ass just to make them cry.  It's not generally reported what this child beater says at the moment he delivers the blow,  but it is rumoured that he Mwahahahaha's then screams "That'll teach ya ta give yer ma backache!"

The following years are almost entirely filled with adults speaking gibberish, cuddly toys, poo, pee and high velocity vomit.  Then comes a day when potty training finally achieves it's goal, closely followed by the day that word "daddy" is uttered, thus totally infuriating Mommy who was, as inmost families, the poo, pee and vomit cleaner-up-er and who has secretly been teaching 'junior' to say "Mummy" for months.

The road to independence winds it's way through the various schools, colleges and universities where they learn the skills needed to prepare them for the moment when they can finally say to mom and dad "It's my life!  Let me make my own mistakes".

At this point in their lives they may well screw up and then run back home to mom and dad for some moral or financial support from.  If they do, pray that a local law enforcement operative does not accompany them!

This is usually the time when they decide it's time to stand on their own two feet and leave home for good, find  a job and settle down.  You could end up spending anywhere between £193,000 to £775,000 raising and educating him/her (from birth to the age of 21) and providing them with all the gadgets and fashion fads they may have desired. You could also have gained numerous grey hairs in the process.

It doesn't end there ... soon it begins again, only next time you will be grandparents

There you go ... a quick look at the shape of things to come.

* Intelligence and wisdom

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