About This Blog

This blog was originally started as a thread on the forum pages of an animal rescue site. Now it's here!

The articles you find in here are purely for entertainment (yours and mine) and (with one or two exceptions) are all tongue-in-cheek chronicles of the World (my bit, anyway) as I see it.
No disrespect is intended towards anyone unless I make a mistake and make it too obvious.

I hope you enjoy my offerings. Feedback and comments of any kind are welcome.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Doors, Pants, Elephants And A Visitor From God

Some years ago I had one of those rare mornings when I couldn't unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth even if I'd wanted to.  I'd slept the night through, without disturbance, but felt that another twenty-four hours sleep wouldn't go amiss.

My usual ability to bounce out of bed and be instantly capable of taking part in a political debate or cracking half a dozen jokes before my first cup of coffee had stayed in bed that morning.

I wandered around zombie-like; in a semi-daze. I didn't have the where-with-all to figure out complicated things such as taps, kettle or making coffee, so I dumped myself onto the sofa and waited for the fog to lift.

The doorbell rang

I opened the door in my pants.

Yes, I DO know what you are thinking.  That's a strange place for a door! 

I would like to point out that I most certainly am not an exhibitionist ... I gave all that up after a rather unfortunate chance meeting with a female graffiti artist and her spray can of green luminous paint.
That stuff was really difficult to remove, but on the plus side, it meant that for two weeks or so, whenever I needed to pee in the night, there was no need for me to turn on any lights in order to hit the 'target'!
No, I can assure you that the door I opened was firmly embedded in the front wall of our house and not actually in my pants, which sported a pretty cool picture of an elephants head on the front.

I just wasn't thinking.  Someone was at the door, so I went to see who was there. My apparel, or lack thereof, didn't seem to be important at the time.

Anyway ...

... I opened the door (embedded in the front wall of our house) and standing on the doorstep, looking away from me towards a parked car, was a smartly dressed, elderly lady.

"Yes?" I said.

"Ah! Hello! I'm from The Holy Saviour Church ..." she said as she turned.

"I'd like to talk to you about ..."

She looked down at my elephant head.

"... JESUS CHRIST!!!" she shrieked.

At that point, I was awake. The 'fog' was lifted as the sudden realisation that I was standing at the open front door, visible to the whole wide world and it's dog, in my underwear hit me.

"Sorry!" I said stepping behind the door, which unfortunately is mostly glass.  "I'm not a believer!  Thank you. Bye!"

I slammed the door, most ungentlemanly, in her face and ran for the safety of the kitchen as the build up of shame generated, furness-like heat, burned my face.

After all this time, I can still feel some of that heat when I remember the incident.


  1. :-) Funny story!

    I once answered the door in a towel for pretty m7uch the same reason...


  2. you made that lil ole lady's day & gave her a story to tell for years to come!

  3. You'll be the talk of the church for a while to come. How embarassing, we call that a senior's moment when something like that happens.

  4. Whoops! The husband does that all the time. I mean he walks around in his underwear so I have to answer the door.


Any and all comments are welcome ...