Sometimes you have to take risks ... like this one I'm taking now! I'm fairly sure that [name removed] aint about so I should be able to finish this article without any surprises waiting for me when I close up.
It is now officially "Christmas" because most, well some of us at least, have already started their Christmas holidays. I finish work for two days on the evening of the 23rd and face the daunting uphill battle, as we all do, to get this place ship shape for the festivities. We have a tree (imitation, of course ... no screams) but we are opting out of all the tinsel and paper chains that always leave so much mess on the floor ... that's what the dogs are for now.
We have our smattering of Christmas cards lined up on every bit of furniture with a flat surface and we have Sky + so basically, that's all we are doing (the Sky + isn't exactly a festive decoration, but it does let me see all the football I want to see).
No doubt other households around the UK are also spartanly decorated ... that's what always happens when the "kids" become young "adults" and discover the delights of opposite sex and alcohol, and get their driving licence. It's a shame they have to grow up really ... they should just move out before they reach their teens!
Anyway, Christmas; "Humbug", "Figgy pudding", "Ho-ho-ho" and all that! It isn't as exciting as it was when we were little, is it! It's hard work! And it doesn't matter how hard you try, someone will ALWAYS find something to moan about: "This gravy is a bit thin, isn't it!", "Couldn't you afford proper mince pies?", "Call this a turkey? Our budgie's bigger than this!".
Then there is always the unexpected visitor for lunch, the uncle who you only see at Christmas when he comes to collect his presents, or the aunt who can't stop herself from squeezing out an SBD* every few minutes and blaming someone else. Has anyone ever had a perfect Christmas?
We've left those perfect days long behind us, I'm afraid. The days of the "Singing, ringing Tree" on TV at Christmas are long gone and have been replaced by classics such as "Top Gear Christmas Specials", the never ending saga of the "Great Escape", and "Noel's Christmas .... " whatever they're calling it this year "Show"
At the end of the day, whether you like Christmas or loath it, we are still going to go through the motions of having a good time, even though the turkey burns to a cinder, your presents are all naff and someone throws up on your new rug. And next year we'll all be saying "D'you remember last year when ...." as if last year was something special and magic.
It's going to be a long, hard Christmas day ... I've got the 'outlaws' coming around!
Merry Christmas and Hum-bloody-bug to you all (with knobs on)
* Silent But Deadly farts