About This Blog

This blog was originally started as a thread on the forum pages of an animal rescue site. Now it's here!

The articles you find in here are purely for entertainment (yours and mine) and (with one or two exceptions) are all tongue-in-cheek chronicles of the World (my bit, anyway) as I see it.
No disrespect is intended towards anyone unless I make a mistake and make it too obvious.

I hope you enjoy my offerings. Feedback and comments of any kind are welcome.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

I Make It All Up As I Go, You Know!

The tall, yet portly figure of Mr Pontebellis walked slowly down the dimly lit staircase.
"It would appear, Mr Slim, that our quarry has evaded us. There is no one upstairs", he said as his and vastly larger waisted partner, Mr Slim exited the living room.
"Most unfortunate, Mr Pontebellis. Most unfortunate indeed" said Slim. "One must assume, must one not, that  Mr Quirk was tipped off as to our proximity and he, to use commoner-speak, did a runner".
"That would certainly appear to be true, but I feel confident that we shall meet Mr Quirk very soon" said Pontebellis as he rounded the bannister at the foot of the stairs.
"Our client may not approve of this development, Mr Pontebellis. We did, as I recall, assure him that we would  expedite matters before paragraph five".
"Rest assured Mr Slim, we shall no doubt make Mr Quirk's acquaintance before the end of the third paragraph" answered Pontebellis as he looked up. Something went 'Zinggggg' and a large knife appeared in Pontebellis's hand. "Is that not so, Mr Author"?
I'll see what can be done
"You are most kind. Come, Mr Slim, we shall await Mr Quirk in the third paragraph".


Quirk ran down Sickle Rd. and turned left into paragraph two.
"Who are those two and what do they want from me?" he asked to the air.
Well, said the Author, it's like this ... it's something to do with an amount of money which you borrowed. They probably want it back. Therefore, as  you haven't got it, you have to run away.
"I don't recall borrowing money from anyone" said a panting Quirk. "Why would I do that?"
A very good question, to which I have no satisfactory answer, because I'm writing this on the fly.
"But you're the author! You must know!"
Sorry! As I said, I'm just making this up as I go!
"What'll they do to me if they catch me?"
Honestly, I haven't thought that far ahead yet.
Quirk ran on, evading the last few sentences and rounded another corner into paragraph three.


"Mr Pontebellis, I do declare, you are a genius! Here comes our quarry! Right on tome to enter the paragraph" said Mr Slim.
"Why, thank you, Mr Slim. Let us make ready to welcome our new friend".
"My knives are already so sharp as to be able to cut fog, Mr Pontebellis".
"Ah, I fear there will be no cutting in this, or any other paragraph, Mr Slim. Children may be reading. However, if you so wish, you may, as it were, insinuate the possibility of violence with knives by using them to excavate dirt from beneath your fingernails".
"I shall insinuate for all I am worth, Mr Pontebellis.You can rely on me".
"I am aware of that fact Mr Slim, and I am genuinely grateful".
Quirk stopped directly ahead of Mr Pontebellis and Mr Slim.
"I don't care what you do to me" he cried. "I can't repay the money! I don't have it, so do your worst" he cried.
"My, my! I do rather think that you are quite possibly taking this a little too seriously, Mr Quirk. We are educated ..."
"Educated!" said Mr Slim.
"... and sophisticated ..."
"Sophisticated!" added Slim.
"... gentlemen ... repeat me at your peril, Mr Slim! ... and we are certainly not monsters, although my friend and I do, on rare occasions, indulge in the physical alteration of those who upset us n some way, we are not intrinsically violent people".
Quirk fell to his knees as Pontebellis and Slim approached.
"Make it quick ... and preferably painless" he sobbed.
"We are processionals, you know" said Slim.
"We are indeed, Mr Slim. We are indeed".
Quirk closed his eyes. "Do it!"
"Certainly", said Mr Pontebellis. "Here!"
"What?" said Quirk opening his eyes.
Pontebellis handed Quirk an envelope.
"What's this?"
"Why, it's the money! The money you borrowed from Mr Crawly at the bank. You left it on his desk by mistake".
Mr Pontebellis looked out of the paragraph and off the page.
"Not what you were expecting, hmmm?" he said the readers. "Come along, Mr Slim. Our work here is done".


  1. I like the way you write dialogue. Very authentic.

  2. Wonderful writing! Remember your work is never done... :)

    1. Hmmmm! My wife thinks my work is never done too!


Any and all comments are welcome ...