About This Blog

This blog was originally started as a thread on the forum pages of an animal rescue site. Now it's here!

The articles you find in here are purely for entertainment (yours and mine) and (with one or two exceptions) are all tongue-in-cheek chronicles of the World (my bit, anyway) as I see it.
No disrespect is intended towards anyone unless I make a mistake and make it too obvious.

I hope you enjoy my offerings. Feedback and comments of any kind are welcome.


Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Weeves And Jooster

Jooster climbed off the billiard table and strolled, stretching as he went, into the hallway.

"Dash it, Weeves! Can't a man snatch forty winks without being disturbed by that constant bally racket?" he said to his man servant,Weeves, who was approaching from the direction of the staff quarters.

"Sadly, sir, it would appear to be, as Mr Spud, the wurg wangler had informed me, 'normal behaviour' for the gentry in these parts" answered Weeves.

"What?" exclaimed Jooster. "But there were people screaming! I heard an ambulance earlier on and I thought I heard shots fired! And someone was bouncing around on a bed upstairs like a child on a trampoline! Normal?"

"Indeed, sir. The country gentry do have their 'little foibles', sir".

"Foibles, ay Weeves?. What would they be exactly?" asked Jooster.

"Well, sir, I gather from Mrs Purgatory, the cook, that young Edward, the boot boy, was once again discovered in the room of Miss Hipple, the housekeeper. She caught him wearing a pair of her bloomers, sir!"

"That would be the screaming in theWest Wing, I take it?"

"Very astute, sir".

"So the screams would be of the boy, Edward, being punished, would it?"

"Oh, no sir! Miss Hipple does indeed have a penchant for the slapping of unruly bottoms, but I fear on this occasion, it is was young Edward doing the slapping and Miss Hipple, the screaming"

"By jove, Weeves!"

"Quite, sir. A most unusual form of punishment, I agree, but very satisfying ... erm, so I've been led to believe,sir".

"And the ambulance, Weeves?  said Jooster.

"Old Mr Bracegirdle, the gardener, sir. An accident in the rose garden".

"And the shots?"

"Old Mr Bracegirdle again I fear, sir.  His Lordship recently purchased a new shotgun and he was keen to try it out, sir, hence the accident in the garden and the ambulance".

"I say! He shot the gardener?"

"Not at first, sir. He didn't actually score a hit until Mr Bracegirdle became ensnared in the Noisette."

"The what?"

"Roses, sir!"

"And what, by heavens, was all that racket in the room above the billiard room? The bouncing and shouting?"

"That, sir, would have been James, the footman, and Charlotte, the chambermaid, in Lady Agatha's bedroom. I believe, to use the common vernacular, James was, in fact, 'giving her one', sir!"

"One what?"

Weeves made a gesture.

"Oh! I say! Lady Agatha will blow a bally gasket!"

"She may well indeed, sir, but I fear that will only be the case should she run out of film".

"Film, Weeves?"

"Yes, sir. Lady Agatha is at this very moment indulging in her favourite pastime".

"Which is?"

"Home movies, sir".

"You mean ..."

"In her bedroom, sir, yes".

"Damn it, Weeves!"

"Sir?"

"These country folk are too strange for my liking! Car, Weeves! We're going back to London!"

"I have already taken the liberty of packing your Inflatable Ingrid and gels, sir!"

"Good man, Weeves! What would I do without you!"

"One shudders to think,sir. One positively shudders, sir!"

14 comments:

  1. What a bunch of deviants :-).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, we have loads of them in the aristocracy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Please explain to a Southern Lady: what is a "wurg wangler"? I just have to know!!! (I laughed so hard I cried) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why, dear lady,he's the man employed to wangel the Wurgs!

      I thought that was clear!

      Delete
  4. Thank you for clearing that up... To heck with the Lady part, what is heck is a Wurg?? So sorry for my foul language ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have absolutely no idea! I just though it sounded like a pretty good job title.

      Delete
  5. Yes, yes it does. How do I apply to become a Wurg Wrangler? I bet I have all of the qualifications.. ( sorry i could not resist.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't Bjorn Borg, or someone, once say "Resistance is futile"?

      Delete
  6. I believe it was Someone. My quote for today is "Be one with the Chaos" :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chaos with ice cream for me please

      Delete
  7. ok and your flavor of choice would be what kind Sir??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've recently discovered a liking for peach flavoured ice cream but I am still, and always will be, a mint choc-chip addict.

      Delete
  8. Yes mint choc-chip is ok. Mango Rules!! Ok on to your next post. Nice chatting with ya'

    ReplyDelete

Any and all comments are welcome ...