I hold my hands up! I have been very, very naughty!
Everyone will no doubt be pleased that nothing untoward has occurred that has prevented my nimble, if somewhat short and stubby, fingers from tickling the keyboard.
I have merely taken time to scan through some memories that might be of interest to all those who bother to turn up and read this blog.
Sad to say, I have had a surprisingly boring existence, I'm afraid.
Oh, I could entertain you all with the story of how I witnessed someone putting an anti-tank rocket to his shoulder (instead of over it) and proceeded to remove his shoulder when he fired the weapon (messy).
Or I could tell you of the time on the ranges when we were throwing hand grenades and half of the buggers failed to detonate, so we had to find them and mark them for later disposal only to find out that we were s'posed to let the experts do it.
But I won't. Not today.
Instead, I'll tell you this ...
... I've had a couple of stinking days and I hate EVERYONE!!!
Wiping ungrateful bottoms and taking out smelly people can be a harrowing experience and, for today only, I hate 'em all!
I've said it ... and I feel better already.
To make myself feel even better, here's a little joke ...
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
Not too bad, so it shouldn't offend anyone!