Oh my poor back!

I am not very often ill, I have never broken a bone and I have never been mentally incapacitated (although some would argue against that point).  I have been lucky, I guess, in that I have never suffered as others have suffered.

In my life there have been no major medical problems to report; I once had the grisly bit on the end of my nose nearly ripped off at school playing rugby (for the last time); I have had my appendix out when I was in my 40's; I have had pneumonia; I had the fingers of my left hand dislocated (popped 'em back in myself ... ouch!)by a friendly kick; I had both legs (thighs downwards) scalded by the contents of a kettle (hence the almost hairless less on an otherwise hairy body ... 'cept for my head, which wasn't scalded).

Apart from those minor injuries / ailments, I can only report the usual catalogue of childhood maladies such as german measles, chicken-pox, mumps and dontwannagotoschoolitis.

However, over the past three years or so I have been somewhat unfortunate to have acquired a dodgy back.
It's the same back that I grew up with and fully trusted throughout my formative and early adult years, but it seems now to have developed an attitude problem.

I say 'attitude problem' purely because it complains now constantly about everything I do.

I walk the dogs ... back ache!
I mow he lawn ... back ache!
I do the shopping ... back ache!

I have always been aware that in my later years that things would probably become more difficult for me and that simple things such as tying my shoelaces could end up as a chore for someone else and not for me, but I am only 51 years old and it's already beginning!

Yesterday I was on an overnight call.  I had to spend the night with a client as he requires 24 hour support.
All was well when he went to bed at a little after 10 pm so I made sure everything was locked up or switched off then I settled myself down to a packet of crisps (cheese & onion if you are interested) and my book (Thud! by T. Pratchett).  At about 11.15 pm, as I had to be up early, I decided to call it a night and went to bed.

As always, I was ripped from my slumbers at 05.10 am when my client turned on his radio and began singing along with the hit's of yesteryear.  Instead of swinging into action (putting a pillow over my head), I screamed in agony as pain shot up my back.  Ok, so I didn't actually scream!  I'm no wimp and can handle pain ... just ask my dentist how much he saves on Novocain ... but I did make a squeaky sort of 'eark' sound and that isn't wimpy, is it?

Anyway, the upshot is that during the night (God knows what I'd been doing) I put my back out as I slept!
I had to roll carefully out of bed and slowly raise myself to my feet with a very straight back. Getting dressed took me nearly half an hour and brought me out in a cold sweat. Luckily my relief came in early and I very gingerly took myself off home, where I now ponder the agonies that lie ahead.
As I type this, I am still in pain but awaiting some modicum of relief from the pain killers I washed down with my coffee only moments ago.

This is not the first time that my back has, if you'll pardon the phrase, stabbed me in the back!  Once, I picked up an empty shoe box and my back inexplicably locked, leaving me bent double for almost an hour (it's quite a shameful position to be stuck in, I can assure you).  Another time, after a round of golf, I was sitting at the bar in the clubhouse and as I turned to face someone there was an audible 'click' and I was stuck for several minutes, much to everyone's amusement, in a half turn.

There have been countless other incidents over that past three or so years, some more painful and debilitating than others.  If I were to detail all of them I would be typing for a very long time (that is if I could even remember them all).

In conclusion I would like to say that, to be fair, I have had a pretty active life (sport, Army, etc..) so that I have probably put more than the average amount of pressure and stress on my creaking skeleton.  If you, dear reader, lead or have led a more sedentary life than I have, then I wish you pain free back for many years to come.

Look after it because when they hurt they hurt big!