The Brave Defender And The Dog Sludgie Trail

It was twenty past two in the morning and I thought I'd heard something downstairs.

I was out of bed and awake quicker than you could do something quickly, my 9 iron whisked out from under the pillow (well, where would you keep yours?) and ready for action.

I tip-toed to the head of the stairs in a 'ziggy-zaggy' kind of way so I could avoid all those squeaky floor boards I've been meaning to replace.  I did not alert the intruder by switching on a light and I certainly didn't say "Is anyone there?" because if someone answered "Yes!", I just knew I'd shit a brick, if not a whole bungalow!

In the downstairs hallway there was nothing to be seen, so I crept down the stairs as quietly as possible.

I quickly checked the front door and it was still intact and locked.

I went through to the kitchen ... nothing!

The back door and all the windows were all secure.

I felt safe enough to put the light on at this point.

It went 'click'

It lit up.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, it slowly dawned on me that there was no intruder and that one of the dogs must have been responsible for the noise that I heard.

There were three tired, but guilty looking dogs lying in their beds.

But that is not what convinced me that one of them was to blame ... no!

It was the trail.

It was a UK size 7 trail.

A trail down the centre of the hallway and into the kitchen.

It ended in exactly the place where I was stood.

It was brown!!!

Three dogs pretended very hard to be fast asleep and the cat sniggered!

Let me tell you ... there is nothing more sure to wake you up, and give you no chance of getting back to sleep, than cleaning up dog mess at two-thirty in the morning.

It was .... [YAWN] ... an awful exp... [yawn] ...erience so early ... [yawn] ... in the ... zzz zzz zzz ZZZ.....................