Christmas Day Comes Earlier and Earlier

I know this is a little premature, but if I don't do it now I'll probably forget.

(Originally posted on TOP last year)

Christmas Day

It's Christmas time
 a time of cheer,
for presents and food
 and dad drinkin' beer.

Broken new toys,
 wrapping paper still on the floor,
a visit from those neighbours,
 the ones you don't like anymore.

Mum in the kitchen,
 strugglin' with the lunch,
trying to prepare food,
 for the whole bleedin' bunch.

Dad's on the bog,
 with a can of Newkie Brown,
lukkin at his Sun calender,
 n he don't mind that it's upside down.

The 'outlaws' arrive,
 around about two,
and all they can do,
 is complain about you.

At the table it's said,
 the turkey is dry,
the sprouts are too soft,
 and you just want to cry.

Then back to the telly,
 to see the Queen,
cos she speaks the bestest
 english what's ever been.

Around about six,
 there's more food on the table,
and we all start eating
 as much as we're able.

later on,
 lunch time sprouts play their part,
as adults sip wine
 and secretly fart.

Over at last,
 you sip your brandy
n tell your ol' man
 forget bein' randy!

Off to bed,
 straight to sleep,
all that hard work,
 and not one 'thank you' peep.